Happiness. That feeling has always been a foreign concept to me all my life. I’ve witnessed other people’s happiness and it’s been great to watch every time. And sure, I’ve felt happy before many, many times. I was happy when I got my current job. Happiness filled me when I learned that I’d be an aunt this coming May. I was extremely happy when I was able to move back to Michigan after spending a year in hell down in Illinois. All of those things are short-lived though. They fade away leaving me with a sort of ‘blah’ feeling until the next moment.
To be quite honest, I’ve never been happy or at peace with my life or myself. There has always been someone there to bring me down just when I thought I was reaching out of the darkness. The negative people in my life didn’t want to see me happy and it was killing me. People who I had thought were my friends brought some of the negativity in my life. Family members who are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin were a large part of negativity in my life. So what did I do? I stood up for myself and cut them loose. First it started with that letter to my father, which did so much for me, and I haven’t looked back since. The only family member I talk to now is my cousin and that’s fine with me. I cut the toxic friendships from my life and I feel so much better. I feel amazing, loving, happy, and definitely less stressed. I’m at peace with myself and where I’m at this far in life. Sure, I’m not where I’d imagine that I’d be by now in my life, but that’s okay. It is what it is, and I’m here for a reason and I cannot wait to see where life will take me!