Playing with Fire

For some reason I have this (not so) amazing talent of putting myself in potentially bad situations. I’ve always been quite a dare devil since I was little and so I guess this just plays into all of that. I like the rush, the excitement, and just the general feelings I get when I do something I know that I probably shouldn’t be doing. Even if it ends up biting me in the ass later on… That’s the sucky part about it all.

Is it bad to hook up with your friends best friend? Depends on who you ask.

Is it bad to hook up with the guy who was possibly the father of the baby you were pregnant with? Probably…yeah.

Did I go ahead and still do it? Duh…I like playing with fire.

I wasn’t exactly the one to initiate this whole ‘friends with benefits’ or whatever you want to call it. He messaged me two times basically wanting a booty call, which when I asked about it later, he denied it..saying he was just drunk. But Friday night, after some consideration, I decided that if that’s what he wanted…I wouldn’t be opposed to it. So I messaged him and after he denied it again…he finally all but admitted to it. So at two in the morning, I was on my way to his place.

It wasn’t awkward like I thought it potentially could have been. And after it still wasn’t awkward and we just goofed off for a bit…it was fun and I decided that I could do this who thing if I wanted. But then after a post-sex cigarette, I got to thinking. The last time I saw him I was drunk and told him about everything…and yet he still talks to me and even still wants to hook up with me? Shouldn’t he be at least a little mad or not want to really talk to me? Whatever…I’m not in his mind so I don’t know. That’s the potentially dangerous side of this whole thing I’ve gotten myself into.

The dare devil and slightly exhilarating part of it all is the fact that he’s one of my close friends best friend. And my friend has this weird rule about his friends not hooking up with his other friends. Strictly no inter-friend hooking up is allowed. Yet here I am going behind his back…not just once, but multiple times. The other day at work I was talking to a coworker/friend about it and later my friend comes up to me. He asked me if he knew this guy and I lied to his face and told him he didn’t. Some people may say that I’m being a bad friend, and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their opinions. To me though, it’s my life and I don’t need my friends to tell me who I can and cannot have sex with.

Like I said earlier…I like playing with fire.

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