An Open Letter…

Dear Dad,

LIfe hasn’t been easy for you…for anyone, and I get that. You and mom started a family at the young age of 21, which I’m going to safely assume wasn’t planned. You then got married and continued to have three more kids whom were all pretty close in age. Life was pretty great at the time though! Fast-forward to 2001 and we found out the terrible news that mom had colon cancer and only had months to live. It was that day where things definitely started to slowly go downhill. I remember grandma telling us four kids one day, out on the front porch, that our lives would be forever changed. Though at that time, I never thought that it would change as drastically as it did. Come November 27, 2001…and that is when our life went to absolute shit…again…none of us really realized it at the time. Loosing your wife is difficult and we all know that, but so is loosing our mother at the early ages of 3, 8, 11, and 15. Really though it’s difficult to lose any loved one and any age.

With only three months to prepare and come to terms with the futures reality, you were thrust into the world of being a single parent and raising four kids. I get  that you tried to do your best…but kicking your kids out of the house and telling them that you don’t love them and don’t want them back isn’t an okay thing to do no matter what. That is the kind of thing that will stick with a kid their entire life. Eventually we came back to the house and life continued on…years passed and we grew older, which believe it or not, comes with newly found attitudes and rebellion as we reach our teenage years. Shocking, I know!

For me personally, I learned of your controlling ways when I reached about 15 years old and I hated it. You and gradually started growing apart when I was in 8th grade. You saw me and my friends in D&W and you though I had lied to you, so you dragged me out of the store and brought me home…all the while yelling at me. We reached the house and you followed me down to my bedroom and then continue to hit me multiple times with your belt. That moment is when I started to hate you and a huge riff grew between us. High school was full of fighting between you and I…when you were home, that is. You were absolutely terrible towards me and therefore I was going to treat you the same.

Let’s fast forward again to my freshmen year of college at Columbia in Chicago, and suddenly our relationship got much better. Maybe we just couldn’t live under the same roof as each other… I had thought that you had lost your asshole way…but boy was I wrong! You were still just as controlling and I hated it. You forced me to move down to the middle-of-no-where-Illinois once I left Columbia so I could live in hell for a year with you and your new family. Now, granted, you were actually okay during that year, but it was still hell and you damn well know it.

Now we’re in present day and I’m 5 hours away from you living back home with your oldest son and his wife. I’m just 5 months shy of being 21 and you’re still trying to control me. You’ve reverted back to your old ways in every way imaginable once I moved back up to Michigan. But things are different now… I’m not that 10-year-old girl that you can kick out of the house anymore. And I’m definitely not that 15-year-old rebellious teenager who you can take your belt to. I don’t have to sit there and take your shit anymore. I’m slowly becoming more and more independent from you, and you absolutely hate it because that means that you’re slowly loosing your control and influence over me.

I’m not sure if you realize it or not, but I’m an adult now and I’ve really been an adult since I was 16 and you were gone all the time for work as well as keeping your new LDR alive. You can’t threaten me anymore like you just did the other day in your voicemail you left me. You can interrupt me all you want on the phone or in person, but now I’m not going to put up with that disrespect from you. You can yell all you want at me, but just understand that just like when you interrupt me, I’m going to either walk away or say goodbye and hangup. And the best part about it is that you used to do the exact same thing when I was younger and interrupted you, but when I do it…it makes your blood boil. And honestly….I love it! You can’t do anything to punish me anymore. You can’t kick me out because I don’t live under your roof. You may threaten to take me off of the car insurance, but then if I get into an accident it’s your ass on the line because it’s your name on the car…not mine, so you won’t be doing that. And I know for damn sure that you won’t take me off of your health insurance

No more am I going to put up with your shit and it’s definitely in your best interest to realize that and accept it. I can tell you this with 110% certainty that if you continued on with the way you’re going now, the way you treat your very own kids, you’re going to lose each and every one of your kids and you’ll be left with nothing but your new wife and her two “perfect” kids, whom you seem to love more anyway.

So, my dearest dad, there’s the harsh reality for you. This is what you’ve created and I sure hope that you’re happy with yourself. You’re slowly loosing your own kids and I know that if there’s anything you hate more than loosing control, it’s loosing your relationships with the four of us.

Sent with very little respect and a lot of honesty,

your second youngest daughter.

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