Today I spend the day at the beach in Grand Haven with my friend from high school, H. Coast Guard Festival was going on today, so naturally the beach was suuuper crowded with college kids. There were hot guys galore at the beach and I was absolutely loving it! But as we were laying on our stomaches with our dark sunglasses on getting our creep on…here comes a quite large group of guys. They weren’t your typical beach “bro’s” either. They were mostly on the skinny/scrawny side with not-so-good tattoos. These guys were unbelievably annoying, but they gave me the inspiration for this post… Drinking at the Beach 101.
There were specifically two guys who annoyed me to no end. They were talking loudly about how they didn’t want to get caught drinking. They were being obnoxious and held your tell-tale sign on drinking…the red solo cup. And if the red solo cup wasn’t obvious enough…they were also holding a fifth of some alcohol as well as a thing of Jack Daniels. So without further ado…here’s my Drinking at the Beach 101.
- Having open containers anywhere is illegal, so first things first, keep yo’ shit hidden! There are several ways you can do this, but here are my favorites:
- A favorite of mine is very simple. Go to any fast food restaurant, order a drink, preferably a large. You can choose to either drink your drink first, use it as a mixer (jack and coke for the guy with the Jack Daniels today), or just dump it out. You then take your alcohol of choice and dump it into the McDonald’s cup (or whatever fast food place you want). How simple and awesome is that?
- A variation of that is to dump out your drink but make sure to keep the ice and place your beer in the cup. This makes sure that your beer stays cold in the hot sun with the ice surrounding it. I mean who likes a warm beer anyways? Surely not I.
- Put your vodka in a water bottle! Didn’t everyone learn this in high school?
- Pace yourself! If you’re drinking on the beach then chances are that you’re also day drinking. The key with day drinking is to pace yourself so you can last into the night. Pacing yourself also allows you to not act like a drunken fool when state cops inevitably walk past your group. When I’m drinking on the beach I don’t necessarily do it to get crazy ass drunk. I like to just drink my drink and enjoy the lovely sun while checking out hot guys. (Unlike what the guys claimed today… Girls do, in fact, not like drunk guys. It’s actually the opposite. Guys love drunk girls.)
- Don’t constantly talk about drinking or about getting caught. The more you talk about it, the more likely you are going to get caught. It’s a fact of life.
- Don’t be obnoxious. Being obnoxious brings more attention to you and that can be bad news bears if you’re drinking underage or of-age.
- Like I had mentioned above…please do not drink out of red solo cups. It’s super obvious and you’re trying to not get caught, right?
- Don’t walk around with a bottle of alcohol in your hand. Just…no.
- Don’t be immature.
So there’s my Drinking at the Beach 101. It’s easy to do and I’ve yet to be caught drinking on the beach since I started drinking back in 7th grade. I didn’t start bringing alcohol to the beach until sophomore year of high school…so that gives me roughly five summers of beach drinking. Cops aren’t stupid though, so take extra caution when beach drinking during big events such as the 4th of July.
I’d like to thank the group of annoying, obnoxious, but highly quotable guys sitting next to us at the beach today for the inspiration. And if any of you happen to stumble across this blog, then I’ve got an answer for one of your many ridiculous question… If you’re in the middle of sex with a girl, but can’t manage to cum inside of her, then I highly suggest that you don’t beat it or whack off in her face and then cum on her face. I’m sure that any girl wouldn’t like this and would promptly gather her clothes and leave.