Quarter Life Crisis

It’s been quite some time since I’ve been on here and for good reason…I’ve been so extremely busy with life it’s crazy. Quite a bit has happened, one things being that I’m now twenty years old! Woo Hoo!! I’m no longer a teenager and now maybe I can be taken more seriously. Dream big, right? I know in one post I talked about my birthday and how many people I know had a little freak out on their birthdays…well that wasn’t me. I felt perfectly normal on my birthday. I felt perfectly normal up until today, which was just one day after my birthday (it was on Wednesday). Shit got real today and I should have seen it all coming.

You know those days where shit just seems to catch up to you and all you want to do is cry but you can’t because life is just that crazy and hectic? Well today was definitely one of those days and it sucked. Life is extremely stressful and honestly I think a big part of what’s stressing me out is this double life thing. I’m fine during the day, but sometimes at the end of the day it just all catches up to me and I end up brushing it off until the next time. A little update on that: I’ve been talking to this guy…we’ll call him Miami…and he actually seems genuine. We’ve talked on the phone and got most of that awkward talk out-of-the-way, but I’ll do a separate post on all that fun stuff later! So if this sugar thing is going alright, then why am I so stressed? Life. That’s why.

I’m a fairly independent person–always have been and always will be. I know what I want to do in my life and therefore I know how and what steps I want/need to take in order to get there. Thus far thing’s have not gone according to my plan at all and it’s extremely upsetting. Living at home and going to a community college was the last thing I wanted to do when I set off for my first year away at college. Yet here I am sitting in my bed in my parents house typing this. Not ideal. I’m at that point in my life where I’m fully able to live on my own except for the fact that I’m lacking the financial bit of it all. I know that I don’t belong here in this house…this city…hell even the damn state.

Maybe I’m just feeling like this because it’s that time of the month and my hormones and emotions are all over the place? Maybe I just need to dig down a little deeper and really think about why I’m feeling this way, but I’ve always been extremely good at burying things deep down inside for lengthy periods of time. This whole week has been kind of blah but I’ve been pushing forward with my eyes on the prize… The prize that I finally get to go back to my hometown and crash at my cousins place and celebrate my birthday the right way…with my friends. Tomorrow is finally the day and I’m clocking out of work right at one and getting my happy ass on the road to get away from it all. I know that I’m going to have a busy weekend visiting and hanging out with so many people, but I cannot wait! It’s going to be great and I’m just going to put it out there that I will get fucked up this weekend at least once. Hell maybe (hopefully) I’ll be able to get rid of some frustration from that other weekend when I broke the girl code ; )

 

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