Double Life

Saturday night I confessed to another friend of mine about this sugar baby business and like I already knew, she didn’t make a big deal about it. She actually wanted to make her own account on one of the many sugar websites! But putting that aside for now, we ended up talking about how different it was and I shared with her some of my funny and/or disgusting messages I’ve received. We talked about so many different things that it’s hard for me to remember exactly what we talked about…and the fact that it was around 2 in the morning. This was when I decided to delve deeper into this sugar world and make my Google Voice account. Now I have two numbers for two very different purposes. One is my “real” number that everyone has and I get all my normal texts…nothing new there. Then I have my “fake” number that I only give out to the sugar daddies. This is what made me realize that I’m leading…or about to be leading a double life. The thought is kind of scary but exciting at the same time. It’s something new that I haven’t experienced and if there’s one thing that people should know about me is that I like trying new things. I love the rush of adrenaline I get from it…the feeling of being daring, being ballsy if you will, is quite exhilarating to tell you the truth.

I may be heading down the path to leading a double life, but it’s not like I’m going to become two completely different people. I’ll still be the same ole’ me that I was before all of this happened. If I look at it this way… My family doesn’t have a clue about the things that I’ve done in my life so far…what I did in middle school and high school. When I’m around my family I seem like I don’t partake in any bad or illegal behavior, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. So wouldn’t that be considered a double life? Who really cares though? I don’t want to become two totally different people throughout this and I think that if I keep a level head, then that likely won’t happen.

For me, this whole thing isn’t just about the money. I mean…yeah…it is about the money, but I’m not willing to do just anything for the money. There needs to be chemistry, a mutual respect and understanding for each other, and hopefully friendship. I believe in taking it slow and getting to know each other first before jumping into the heavier things…such as intimacy if that is a part of the arrangement, which brings me back to F, whom I talked about before. Just a little reminder, F is 31 years old and doesn’t live too far from me. He’s also the one who asked for my number. We first started texting on Sunday, but it took a while for each of us to text each other back, I guess he’s currently away on business, but so far tonight there’s not much lag in replying. He hasn’t brought up sex or anything along those lines, which is good and I’ grateful for. Actually, as I’m typing this he just texted me asking what I was looking for in this relationship/arrangement. What am I exactly looking for? Hmm… I know what I want but putting it into words is a difficult task. Well here’s what I told F:

“Something that doesn’t seem forced and that both people can agree on. I’m not looking for a strictly sexual arrangement…so if you are then I’m sorry. But I suppose just see how it goes.. What are you looking for”

Now let me just say that I pulled a dumbass move and accidentally tapped send right in the middle of my text, so that wasn’t completely what I wanted to say (face palm). Even though that’s not entirely what I wanted or planned on replying back with…that’s the jist of it all.  Now hopefully he can accept the fact that I’m not just looking or offering up sex. Remember…I’m not a prostitute! I’m not saying anything intimate is completely out of the question, but the way I look at it is like this: it’s like any other relationship out there…most people don’t just jump into bed with each other right away…instead they get to know each other and just go with the flow.

Well this seems like a jumbled mess, but in all honesty my life is a jumbled and messy disaster right now…obviously. But while my life may be in a whirlwind right now, why not make the best of it? I’m still on my positive streak and therefore I try to only see the positive in all of these crazy twists and turns I experience in my life.

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