“What am I doin’? What am I doin’?”

Today is a new day and with a new day comes new thoughts, ideas, and more importantly new realizations. This is a brand new year and for 2013 I promised myself that I would put myself first before everything else. I want to make sure that I’m without a doubt, one hundred percent, happy with myself and all the decisions I make. As Drake so perfectly and simply put it in his song Over, I’m doing me. For so long I feel as if I’ve put my happiness and wellbeing behind the happiness of other people around me–that’s not okay with me.

After last nights events it dawned on me that I lost sight of my promise to myself for this new year. What happened to the ‘I’m gonna do me and you do you’ attitude? There’s no way that an incident with one boy could make me lose sight of that, right? Surely not. Talk to anyone I’ve had any sort of interaction with since January 1st and they’ll be the first ones to tell you that I’ve been the picture of positivity since then. My lookout on life was the total opposite of a Negative Nancy. The question still remains: did this one incident cause all of my positivity to go down the drain? The answer to that is simply no. It took me until this morning while I was walking to my second class to realize what had happened. Life gets hard, I know that, but life has been especially hard lately and something was bound to happen and get me down in the dumps. It wasn’t Mr. P who caused me to feel this way–not entirely. In the same ten minute as I waited for class to begin I realized that I let my promise out of sight. Who cares if Mr. P is over the moon about this new girl? Yes we hooked up, but if I’m going to be honest, then I will say that there was no real chemistry there…just friends. It was then that I laughed at myself and immediately texted my friend about my epiphany, if you will.

Here’s how our conversation went:

Me: “So I’m confident in the fact that I can seriously just be friends with Mr. P. I’m pretty sure I’m already over it and whatnot.”

K: “Alright so freak out over?” (I did call her last night and have a slight freak out)

Me: “haha yes. I mean I still feel a little weird by it. But you know what? I forgot about the fact that I told myself that I’m gonna do me and everyone else is whatever…they do themselves. Haha but for real though. And hell I’ll find some other guy! But don’t worry about this repeating itself because I won’t let that happen.”

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past couple months is that I’ve sacrificed so much of my happiness for other people around me. In order for me to succeed in everything that I do in life, then I need to be happy and I’m the only one who has complete control over that. I’ll continue to be just friends with Mr. P, but I’ve got to draw the line somewhere and I already know what that line is and I’ll be sure to let him know where that line is as well.

So what am I doin’? What am I doin’?

I’m doin’ me.

 

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